


The Reason We Say Goodbye is because We Loved

by tothebatcave53



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Death of a loved one, M/M, Makkachin dies, This Is Sad, Victor crying, Victor is devastated, Yuuri crying, based on real life, but I am also sad, hence the sad writing, pet death, working through emotions, yuuri takes care of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 22:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10885812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothebatcave53/pseuds/tothebatcave53
Summary: Makkachin falls ill. Yuuri takes care of Victor as they work through the hard truth that is life and the loss of someone that you love.





	The Reason We Say Goodbye is because We Loved

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably very sad, be aware of the tags.

It starts small, as these things usually do. Yuuri sees the signs long before Victor. Or maybe Victor is just willfully ignoring it, refusing to see what he doesn’t want to see to preserve his own fragile mental stability. Yuuri isn’t sure, he won’t ever ask.

Makkachin is old but has aged beautifully. She’s thirteen, her muzzle streaked through with white, her limbs slow, her joints creeky. She is still gentle with everyone she meets, allowing strangers to pet her and children to hug her around the neck.

Victor had built his life with her. Yuuri and Victor had built a home with her.

It begins with her walking into things, hitting her hips on the corners of the coffee table when she passes, walking into her food bowl and flipping it over onto the hardwood floors.

“She’s just got old eyes now,” Victor jokes. He ruffles Makkachin’s ears affectionately before sweeping up her food and pouring her a new meal.

It isn’t noticeable, not right away, but the more Yuuri watches the more he finds it isn’t just a few incidents here and there. He’ll come into the bedroom or the kitchen or the bathroom and find Makkachin facing a corner, stuck between the couch and a bookshelf or the toilet and the wall. She stands very still, a look of confusion on her face about how to get out.

“Victor…” Yuuri is watching his husband toss the ball back and forth in front of Makkachin though the dog is mostly just watching, her tongue hanging out as she pants happily. “I think something is wrong.”

“She’s just getting on in years Yuuri, she’s slowing down.” Victor strokes a hand over Makka’s back, laughing when she licks his foot and hits him in the face with her wagging tail.

Yuuri wants so badly for that to just be it, that Makkachin is just getting older and isn’t the same playful puppy she used to be. Yuuri’s observation skills aren’t usually wrong though, his anxieties are sometimes correct and they go downhill in the matter of a few weeks.

“Yuuri!”

Yuuri drops the laundry basket at Victor’s terrified scream, bolts from the tiny room where they have their washer and drier. He finds Victor in their bedroom, crouching over Makkachin who is laying on the ground panting heavily.

“I came in and she was convulsing… I think she had a seizure.” Victor is holding her face between his hands, tears already dripping down his nose to splash against the fluffy rug. He looks completely out of his depth and Yuuri is the only thing that can help him from going adrift.

“I’ll grab the keys, you grab her,” Yuuri instructs. He bolts to grab his coat, picking one up for Victor as well. Grabbing up a blanket Yuuri holds the door for Victor as he carries the quiet poodle outside and down to the car.

Yuuri drives quickly, glancing into the back every once and awhile to check on the pair. Makkachin is spread across the seat, her head in Victor’s lap as she pants. He has the blanket draped over her back.

They aren’t at the emergency vet for very long. The news is grim. They do an xray, they get an explanation of treatments they can pursue, they go back home.

Cancer. A tumor pressing against her brain.

Makkachin rests in her dog bed, for the moment the fear and upset from earlier have passed and she is sleeping as peacefully as she normally does.

“We’ll get her treatment,” Victor says.

Yuuri had known the whole drive home that he would need to be the voice of reason but that doesn’t mean he is any more prepared for this conversation that he was hours ago. “Victor, Makka is thirteen years old. Poodles generally only live to around fifteen.”

Victor goes very still and for a while he doesn’t look at Yuuri. “Are you saying we shouldn’t treat the cancer?” he finally whispers.

“Yes.”

The horrified look he’s given in response hurts Yuuri’s heart. “Victor she’s so old. We don’t want to subject her to such harsh treatments. They said it would be a few months before we started to see a real decline in her health. We should use that time to do fun things with her, help her enjoy the end of her life instead of making her suffer through it to only maybe extend her life a year or two longer.”

Tears drip from furious blue eyes. Victor doesn’t even respond to Yuuri, simply throws down the rag he’d clutched to his chest and storms off to the bathroom. The door slams behind him and a few minutes later Yuuri hears the water of the shower turn on.

Victor doesn’t come out for a long time and Yuuri is curled up waiting for him in the dark, hidden under a mound of blankets in their bed when Victor does finally emerge and slide in next to him. Yuuri waits a few seconds before he turns, opening his arms to let Victor nestle against his chest. He sobs for a long time, soaks the blanket with tears and snot but Yuuri doesn’t say anything about it. All he can do is hold Victor, let the emotions work themselves through.

They both know that what he had said earlier is the kindest thing to do for their beloved dog. It doesn’t make that decision any easier.

The vet had told them a few months. The decline happens in less than a week.

Yuuri startles at the sharp yelping snarl from Makkachin, the noise so loud in the quiet of their apartment that he drops the wooden spoon he had been using to stir their dinner. Heading for the living room Yuuri finds Victor, holding his hand against his chest while Makkachin growls and whines. The sound is eerie like she knows that she shouldn’t have just bit Victor but at the same time can’t stop snarling.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri gasps and hurries to his husband’s side. He tries to tug Victor away from their frightened dog but he’s rooted to his spot, blue eyes huge with shock.

“She… bit… me…”

“Victor back away from Makkachin, she wants to be left alone.” Yuuri only half successfully gets Victor to move away from the dog.

Yuuri drags Victor to the kitchen, running his hand under the sink for a minute before carefully patting it dry with a clean towel. Thankfully the skin is only scratched, not broken but the action itself shakes Yuuri through to his core.

He turns to look over but Makkachin is just pacing back and forth around her bed, tail tucked between her legs. She whines, stumbles, circles the room several more times before lying down again.

Victor moves to rise, to go back to his dog’s side but Yuuri stops him with a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Leave her be for a little bit.”

Makkachin’s health drops out from under her rapidly. She snarls and snaps whenever they come near, refusing to let Victor touch her at all. Every time he tries her teeth turn toward him, lips pulled back and that terrible noise rips slowly through her throat. It fills the open room, it breaks Yuuri’s heart and shatters Victor’s very soul.

Her appetite disappears and she starts to have accidents all around the house. She gets stuck in corners, between furniture and won’t let anyone touch her to help her get unstuck. Eventually Yuuri has to fence her into a corner of the living room to keep her from hurting herself.

Victor can’t really do anything but watch. When he can’t pet his dog, can’t help her through whatever pain she might be feeling his anger and frustration turns on Yuuri instead.

“This wouldn’t be happening if we had started giving her treatment like I wanted to,” Victor snarls at Yuuri over dinner. He shoves his dinner plate away with such force it falls off the other side of the table. “She’s like this because of you!” He storms off, the bedroom door slamming behind him.  
Yuuri doesn’t take it personally, even though the accusation hurts like a knife through his heart. He lets Victor cool off while he cleans up the broken plate.

They lay together later that night and Yuuri holds Victor as he cries. Yuuri doesn’t ask for an apology, he can tell Victor feels badly for what he said. It doesn’t matter, he didn’t mean it. This is hard for Yuuri, harder for Victor.

“Tomorrow we’re going to bring her in,” Yuuri whispers, kissing Victor’s hair gently. He feels his own tears but does nothing for them, just tightens his arms around his husband. Victor wails against him, sobbing like a child until he’s worn himself out completely.

Morning comes and Victor doesn’t leave Makkachin’s side. He sits quietly by her bed, sipping his coffee. She sleeps mostly but eventually wakes up and starts to pace. She doesn’t pee anywhere, just moves around agitated, bumping into things until Yuuri wants to cry at the sight.

Victor makes her a scrambled egg and it’s the first thing she’s shown interest in eating in days. She licks the bowl clean, drinks a little water and seems a little happier. When Yuuri comes back out after showering he finds Victor rubbing her neck gently, tears falling down his cheeks.

“She’s letting me pet her,” he whispers. “She hasn’t let me touch her in days.”

Yuuri comes over, slow so he doesn’t startle Makka. He’s guessed that her eyesight has gone some, one pupil larger than the other. She lets his hand approach and lets him rub at her ears. They all sit like that until Yuuri’s legs have fallen asleep under him. Victor cries the whole time but he’s smiling and that’s at least something.

Their vet is kind, makes room in their schedule even though they’re full with appointments for that day. When they carry Makkachin to the car she whines but doesn’t do anything but let Victor lift her and then lay next to him in the back of the car.

Yuuri drives again, slower this time for fear of disrupting the pair in the back. Makkachin pants heavily but her eyes are alert, her ears perked as they drive. The sun is spread across her back, splashes across her face. She looks relaxed, happy.

He isn’t sure if she knows what they’re going to do but when Victor lifts her out of the car again, she doesn’t whine or fight. She’s calm, even though she hates being in the vet’s office. They sit quietly with her between their legs. Makkachin presses against both of them, letting both Yuuri and Victor pet her and rub her ears.

The vet lays out a blanket on the ground. “Do you both want to stay?” he asks, his voice is soft and sad for them.

“Yes,” Yuuri says as Victor sits down on the floor with his dog. Yuuri listens as the vet explains what he’ll do. Victor doesn’t listen, just rubs a tissue under his constantly damp eyes and pets Makka’s soft brown fur.

Makkachin doesn’t snarl or fight when the vet tech and the vet hold her and give her the shot to help her relax and sleep. Victor doesn’t take his hand off her back. His other hand finds Yuuri’s as Yuuri sits down next to his husband. He runs his fingers through Makkachin’s fur, watches because he couldn’t be there for Vicchan like this but he can be here for Makkachin and for Victor.

When it’s all over and the vet confirms that she’s passed along he leaves them to say their goodbyes for as long as they want.

Victor shuffles around and bends down over her head, stroking it as he sobs. It’s a weak and broken sound that has Yuuri looking away because it hurts so much more to have to see it. Garbled russian words fall from Victor’s lips, promises to always love her and how much he’s going to miss having her around.

Leading Victor away from her still body is the hardest thing Yuuri will ever have to do in his life. The drive home is silent. Victor puts in his headphones and leans his forehead against the window. He chugs a bottle of water. He cries quietly to himself. Yuuri lets him.

Their home feels quiet and empty when they return.

Victor heads straight for the shower while Yuuri takes his time folding up the gate and putting away all the towels they had laid around for Makkachin incase she had an accident.

Finally he follows, shedding his clothes to join his husband.

“She’s not in pain anymore,” Yuuri whispers and kisses Victor’s forehead. He holds his husband there as Victor cries again. They stay that way until the water runs cold and then Yuuri tucks them both into bed. Victor cries more, his eyes red and puffy, his cheeks splotchy. Yuuri kisses each mark.

Neither of them sleep, the sun still setting in the pink colored sky.

Eventually Yuuri finds his words again, his throat tight from all of his own spilled emotions. “When I first met her she knocked me right over onto my back. No manners at all.”

Victor chokes on a sob but then laughs through it. “She loved you, from day one.”

They share stories, memories they hold dear. Yuuri with the tales of their lives together, just the three of them while Victor recounts all of his times with her while she was a puppy and growing up. It still hurts, it will hurt for a very long time but they can smile, at least a little bit, while they cry.

Somewhere Makkachin is watching over them with Vicchan, playing like she wanted and recalling tales of the two people she had loved the most for all of her life.

 

\---

 

**Author's Note:**

> We put our dog down today and this was the only way I could really work through and deal with how much it hurts. This is almost exactly how things went for us. 
> 
> Rest in peace Maggie. You were the most wonderful dog and I can at least know you aren't hurting anymore.


End file.
